I don’t get it. When I was a kid I read all about the Pony Express and how they delivered mail two thousand miles in 10 days. The delivery was by young men, that today would be too young to buy a pack of smokes, riding wild ponies on dangerous trails devoid of fast food and Wi-Fi. The mail always got through because it was so ordered by the US Government. Neither tribes of angry Amazon shoppers nor latte-sipping Hipsters slowed the mail. Now, it takes almost that long to get a post card from the next county.

The mail isn’t all bad. Just kidding, the mail is pretty much all bad. It’s not the people, it’s the business. Our service center is staffed by great people who are obviously trapped in a soul-sucking bureaucratic nightmare. I’d liberate them, but I can’t get access to them. That’s because the counter in the lobby is hardly ever open. Once again, no offense.

This is how it goes. As a retired Geezer, one of the highlights of my day is going to the Post Office at 10:30 AM for my mail. It used to be posted at 9:30, but, “progress”. I often say aloud, “I wonder whose mail I’ll get today?” I sometimes get the mail for everyone in town named Melton, and other times for everyone in town named Charlie. Sometimes it’s for random box numbers that contain a “3” and sometimes not. I either don’t get my Carmi Times paper, or I get the paper for everyone in our zip code. For a while I thought I had to deliver those papers, so I did. I met a lot of nice people.

The whole mail ritual lost its charm when it almost cost me $760. My grandkid busted his 3rd iPhone and it had to be sent to the insurer in Tennessee. We received a replacement phone and I put the broken phone in the pre-paid mailer. I took a picture of the tracking number, and dropped it in the mail box. Two weeks later I received an email saying they were charging me because I hadn’t sent the phone. I took my tracking number to the local post office, but they had no record of the item. I tracked the package on line, but it didn’t show. I initiated at trace on the item, with no result at all.

About a month later the package somehow surfaced in Memphis, and a week later it was delivered near Nashville. I was off the hook for the $760. It was all done, except it wasn’t. In February, near the 3 month mark, I got an email from the post office that they couldn’t find my package anywhere. They didn’t even say they were sorry.

I copied the tracking number off their email and entered it in their post office tracking form. It showed the package had been delivered long ago. The post office couldn’t find it with their own tools.

I guess I’ll send a bill to the USPS for my time doing their job. As for mailing a cell phone, I’ll pass. For about a tank of gas I could have delivered the item in person. I’d have saved weeks of aggravation.

Maybe I’ll just get a pony and start a Geezer Mail Service. If I don’t run into hipsters I can probably beat the current mail. I already have the experience from delivering the newspaper.


Email Charlie at geezer.rocker@gmail.com. We can’t recommend snail-mailing anything, so stick with the email.